Thursday, March 15, 2012

I Apologize if I Stare....


I remember being very overweight and NOT wanting to walk into a crowded room.  Not wanting anyone to look at me and see how uncomfortable I was in my own skin.  Not wanting them to look at me and judge me for how big I was. Not wanting them to see me struggle to walk across the room and to see how difficult it was to catch my breath.  All I wanted was to blend into the crowd but how could I when I stood out SO much?

They Stared.

Fast forward 10 years to present day.  Now I am the person staring....

I can not help it.  I stare when I see a heavy person approaching.  I watch them struggle to cross the room as they try to catch their breath.  I watch their faces and know how uncomfortable they feel.  I watch as they try to blend in.  And I watch the others that stare at them.  I join the others that stare but I am not one of them....

I stare because I understand.  I stare at my old self, I know who you are, I know your struggles, I am your sister.  I stare because I can not walk over and give them a hug.  I stare because I want them to stare back and see there is hope.

13 comments:

  1. I actually want to cry, that is so beautiful.

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  2. I am staring at your picture and know that there is hope.

    I will be where you are now one day....and that will be the happiest day of my new life.

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  3. Thanks for inspiring me to continue my efforts. I am only down by about 17 lbs so I am at the beginning of my journey. I woke up when I started having problems with the stairs and my knees. I was lucky enough to get assigned physical therapy...but just on Friday, I "finished" my alloted therapy time. I am scared because now, I am on my own and need to decide how I can continue to do what I did in therapy but on my own. I hate the idea of signing up to go to a gym. I am so embarrassed of my body/ self-conscious. I don't know whether I can do this on my own at home with the Just Dance and other DVD exercise routines or whether I should try to get a personal trainer one day a week and set up the same routine I had at therapy, but at the gym. I have put myself on the South Beach Diet which is working for me...this is the 8th week I am on phase one...I know I have to continue to take care of myself and "get my life back". Thanks again for letting me see that persistence will bring me results.

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    1. It is really hard, but ignore their stares at the gym or wherever else you are getting your exercise. You are doing what you need to do for your own health and one day you will be the one staring at someone in this position and you can offer an encouraging smile. Here's my encouraging smile to you. :) You can do it! It takes time and effort. If you "mess up" just get right back to it!

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  4. Yesterday I was stopped a few cars back at a traffic light I saw two women limping as the walked. Looked like a lot of joint and foot pain. I looked down the road from where they were coming and wondered how the had walked so far in this heat. They still had quite a ways to go before they reached the shopping plaza. I admired them for walking so far but felt sorry for them at the same time. I hope I never gain back my pounds lost.

    A few of weeks ago I stared not at the very large girl walking in the mall, but at the three teenage boys sitting down, watching her walk in thier direction. I knew she saw them staring in amazement and laughing as she passed. I think that the boys probably forgot about the whole issue shortly afterwards not knowing the lasting pain they caused.

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  5. I'm so impressed with you.... and I want to stare too. I lost 93 lbs at LA Weight Loss in the 90's, and I remember that I used to stare and care too after, but my came back due to a difficult chain of events in my life. I wanted to go back to the weight loss center, but couldn't budget it financially, but now I found the diet plan online, so if it worked in the 90's, it should work again now. Wish me luck, I just downloaded the LA Weight Loss plan from smartersaver.com and I am going to the market to buy the food in a few minutes.

    Also, I remember that after losing 93 lbs, there was one neighbor/friend that would just stare at me but never say anything, while everyone else was congratulating me. I never understood why she would pretend not to notice a 93 lb loss. Strange.

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    1. She was probably jealous!!!

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  6. please help me!
    I work a summer camp and the food is way to good! i keep trying to get back with the swing of things but its haaard! please help me.

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  7. thank you. I know what you were going thru because I am going thru it now except the surgery I am serverly obese and do not like it.

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  8. It was great to see someone else had the same feelings about being in a crowd!

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  9. This made me feel like I was not alone.

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