AppleTV+ new series, Ted Lasso, is about a small time football coach who is hired to coach a British soccer team with no experience. I have a review coming soon, which will be linked down below, but in the meantime, you should enjoy these quotes from the series. You know I enjoy jotting down some of my favorites, but with this film Ithere were so many that truly cracked me up! So, check out my list of 40+ of the best and more hilarious Ted Lasso quotes!
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Ted Lasso Review
Ted Lasso Quotes
Your casual misogyny, for one. I know it’s a big word. Ask one of your daughters what it means. Or perhaps it’s your performance, Having led this team through yet another remarkably average season. Or maybe it’s because you insist on wearing those tiny shorts that force me to see one of your testicles.
If we see each other in our dreams, let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know eachother.
Coach, I got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore, right?
I always figured that tea was going to taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. Yeah, it’s horrible. No, thank you.
Coach Lasso may not have the CV that you all find acceptable, but he does have one thing this club doesn’t: a trophy from this millennium.
My ex-husband truly loved only one thing his entire life: this club. And Ted Lasso is gonna help me burn it to the ground.
Ain’t no such thing as last day gitters.
I’ll start bringing these to ya every morning. Call it ‘Biscuits with the Boss.’
Until we get another Nate here, I just need you to assume you are our default nate.
A palace made out of crystals seems mighty fragile if you ask me.
This woman right here is strong, confident and powerful. Boos, I tell ya, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off it either.
That’s the funny thing about coincidences, ain’t it? Sometimes they just happen.
For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.
You’d be in cahoots with Puss in Boots, playing lutes for prostitutes, reading Roots.
I have a real tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves.
First domino that needs to fall, right inside that mans heart.
You about blew my brain out with those beautiful breasts of yours.
This club means something to this town.
If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.
Even Woody and Buzz got under eachothers plastic.
Don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you.
I know change can be scary. One minute, you are playing freeze tag out there at recess with all your buddies. Next thing you know, your getting zits, your voice gets low. And every time your art teacher, Ms. Scanlon, leans over your desk to check and see how your project’s going, you feel all squiggly inside.
I think thats what it’s all about. Embracing change.
I promised myself I would never quit anything in my whole life.
One more person says something to me and Beard don’t understand, I’m gonna have one of my son’s classic temper tantrums. It’s basically just him calling me a bunch of silly names, you know, like, I don’t know, “dummy head” or “poo-poo face” “pee-pee fingers.”
Her and my dad broke up when I was a sexy lil baby.
Coach. Football is life.
You tore your butt. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Last one there’s a Scotch egg.
Seems like a Smurf with an attitude would be a lot of fun to watch.
Sounds to me like someone’s trapped inside life’s most complicated shape. A love triangle. Second place of course is the “I just walked in on my mother-in-law changing into her swimsuit dodecahedron.
Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty North Korean military thing you do all day, but I need a favor.
We spelt it. She felt it!
You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t want to hear it.
All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen.
You gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That’s a combo. Does it come with a medium drink?
It’s the hope that kills ya.
If God would have wanted games to end in a tie, she wouldn’t have invented numbers.
I believe in hope. I believe in believe.
Do you believe in miracles?
I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad. And that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.
Tea and I are still on a lifelong hiatus.