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The Shrink Next Door Quotes

AppleTV+ The Shrink Next Door premieres on the streaming service tomorrow, November 12th. I will have a review of the series coming soon, so make sure to stop back by to check it out. It will be linked down below. In the meantime, I wanted to share a list of some of the best quotes from the series. Check out this list of 125+ of the best AppleTV+ The Shrink Next Door quotes.

If you enjoyed these AppleTV+ The Shrink Next Door quotes, check out these other articles: Netflix Cowboy Bebop quotes, Passing movie quotes, Home Sweet Home Alone movie quotes, King Richard movie quotes, Father Christmas Is Back movie quotes, Animaniacs season 2 quotes.

The Shrink Next Door Parents Guide Review


Fresh air doesn’t agree with me.

I don’t want to talk to some stranger.

You don’t break up with someone by fax.

He owes you nothing. It’s over.

A guard dog will just bite you, but a sister will rip out your g-d d*mn trachea and play it like a f*cking flute.

I’m not paying a cent until I’ve spoken with Jerome.

Bosses don’t chew the fabric.

Your father would not be happy.

You’re a grown man smushed against the wall. Hiding behind a bunch of curtains in your own office.

I’m fine; everything’s fine. It’s so silly.

I’m like a cool breeze.

Is there any particular breeze you’d like to shoot?

My uncle is suing me, but it’s fine.

That didn’t sound very tough; that sounded whispery, billowy. Are you billowy?

I work with fabrics. I know about color.

We still have a little time left in our session. So, you know what I think we should do? Take care of that Mexico business.

I feel like I’m on drugs.

You did it, Marty. You stood up for yourself.

I promise I’ll make sure no one enjoys themselves.

He wants me to talk about my feelings, but my main feeling is I don’t wanna.

You have very effectively changed the subject once again.

Now it’s time for you to be the man, and that’s a scary thing.

They still see you as a little boy, because that is how you still see yourself.

I do believe you just had what we head shrinkers like to call a break through.

The goal in life is to live. Getting hurt is just the price of admission, my friend.

Be the ruler of your own domain.

Never underestimate a pawn, man.

I’m sorry you thought I was rude, but I’m trying to step up. I’m trying to be the ruler of my own domain.

This doctor seems a little unconventional.

I feel good, Phyllis. Aren’t you happy for me?

This man has been held back his entire life by his 13th birthday.

What are you doing snooping around about him?

I think that you see that I’m changing and you are threatened by it.

There’s nothing wrong with you. Little boys have digestive issues, real men take sh*ts.

Sometimes people we love do things we don’t agree with. Sometimes they act like f*cking douchebags.

Did she come see you to say sorry, or did she come see you because she needs money?

She’s your sister, but you look to her to fill the role of a parent. You’re her brother, but she looks to you to fill the role as a husband. It’s an unhealthy dynamic.


We should all be so lucky to be a guinea pig.

The thing about obstacles is you have a choice. You can either look at them as a hindrance or a gift. They are either stumbling blocks or stepping stones.

Are you comfortable with me cursing during our session?

Maybe starting a family is not my legacy.

If it were me and I had your assets, I’d give back.

Ever seen a check that big?

Twin poop machines.

You’re doing fine cause your nipples aren’t bleeding and you don’t cry every time you go to the bathroom.

I just worry his presence here might become a distraction.

You look like James Bond.

I was gonna say bank. But heart too, I’m his heart.

Nobody would’ve been around to find me. A cat would’ve eaten my face.

I’m right here. I’ll always be here.

Felt like I blew it last night. Did I blow it?

I’d do anything for you.

I never should’ve pushed him so hard. He’s not a healthy man.

Relax. I used my own money.

The banks open on Sunday.

Yeah, my father’s dead.

This was a great man, a hero is you will.

All my dad left me was partial hearing in my right ear and a pair of polyester pants.

You’re not honoring them by living in the past.

What’s the best treatment for loneliness? Company.

He’s what we call “old money.”

Are you sure you don’t mind spending another week in the guest house? I’m beginning to think you prefer it there.

Your mother talked to the tree. Did it answer?

Something about nature has me re-evaluating my life.

I need a break. I need some space.

We’re not having fun; we’re working.

Please don’t play therapist with me.

Such a joy thief.

If you could just turn the music down a notch, I love it, but I think Marty might be on his period.

You have to let them go. This is not a museum, it’s a tomb.

What is it with you and that f*cking tree?

For some reason, it feels like you hate this tree.

So the lunatics have taken over the asylum, have they?

Your mother wouldn’t let you grow up, and now she have left you emotionally and sexually stunted.

Maybe I should just give up. I give up on you and I give up on therapy.

I’m free trying to please a man, trying to please a man who can’t show love.

We should have a party, a housewarming party.

I know it’s a safari party, but I don’t want it to smell like elephant dung.

I’m going to help you learn to enjoy yourself.

Now I know how Julia Childs feels. Minus the funny accent and the fullsome breasts.

I can’t have fun if you’re not right by my side.

I want you to be free. I want you to fly.

I don’t know why you listened to him, but it isn’t your fault.

This isn’t the housekeepers’ room, it’s mine.

I owe him everything.

They’re lucky to have you.

Anybody with an alibi is always a suspect.

This sounds weird, but I can’t fart, even if I feel like I need to.

I don’t mean to cause any trouble, but this is a serious situation.

I’m not springing for a new dress for a perfectly avoidable funeral.

People need me to be healthy, is all.

I just don’t have time for negativity. It’s toxic and it’s not good for your anxiety.

If I don’t make it, can you just promise me they will all be taken care of.

Is that a hernia or are you just pleased to see me?

I need to stay awake in case he comes by.

For the better part of the last three decades, I have dedicated my life to you.

I would do anything for you. Anything.

You’re my guy. I will always show up for you.

What are you the fun police?

G-d d*mn fish murderer. Brothers, my a**.

I can’t do this. I’ve tried, Bonnie, for so long.


Well, you decided we didn’t want to, but I decided we had to keep the company from going under. And since it is my company, I decided that was the decision.

You’ve taken a real step backwards.

You’re not an idiot, you’re just a schmuck like the rest of us.

We learn lessons too, and you taught me one. You taught me this is what I love.

I’m not a money guy, I’m a people guy.

Would you do me the honor of being my best man?

You’re like a grown woman.

You should miss us, we’re pretty great and you have been gone our entire lives.

You don’t get to be proud.

We gave him everything. We gave him a family.

They thought I had ball cancer, turned out to be an undeveloped overay on my testicles.

You don’t just get to come back in my life like that, like a f*cking zombie.

Change is a rug. This is insanity.

You had parties? You hate parties.

What is that smell? It’s like the gates of hell opened up.

Getting used to it really is your super power, huh Marty?

What the f*ck did he do to you?

I made you dead to me, like you died. It was the only way.

I want to be your brother again. I want to make Ike go away, erase him from my mind, make him dead to me.

You’re not an idiot, you’re just a schmuck like the rest of us.

I want to forgive you, but I can’t yet.

Why didn’t my key work?

Family reunion. Got it. I would’ve brought my marshmellows if I would’ve known.

I don’t want to talk to you.

I would like for you to go, please. Thank you.

None of this is yours. None of this is real.

The only thing real about the last 27 years is how I felt about you.

You took everything from me.

You were nothing without me. You are nothing without me.

I got one. This bag of bones is him.

When Marty Markowitz first came to see me, he was a broken man. He came to me seeking my help, and I rebuilt him piece by piece.

Yes, he was more than a patient. He became family.

Marty was more than just a patient, he was part of my life. He was the brother that I lost. He was the best friend a man could ever have.

I don’t know everything, but I know that I am a good man.

I want to say, “I forgive you.”

I hope you find happiness, Dr. Ike. I don’t think you will, but I hope that you do. But I’m afraid to say, we’re out of time. Goodbye.