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Ted Lasso Season 3 Quotes

AppleTV+ Ted Lasso Season 3 releases its first few episodes on the streaming service this Wednesday, March 15th. I will have a review of the season coming soon, so make sure to stop back by to check it out. It will be linked below. In the meantime, I wanted to share a list of some of the best quotes from the show. Check out this collection of the best AppleTV+ Ted Lasso Season 3 quotes.

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AppleTV+ Ted Lasso Season 3 Parents Guide Review


Ted Lasso Season 3 Quotes

To my toys? Yes. To my country’s political landscape? Not so much.

I know why I came; it is the sticking around I’m trying to figure out.

Who invented this idea? The Russians?

How come you never hear of an overdog?

One man’s grope is another woman’s gain.

You guys are more distracted than a bunch of cats playing laser tag.

Last one in the parking lot has to eat a little bug.

Crying is the best, isn’t it? It’s like an orgasm with a song.

Flowers are for two things, Mr. Jones. Dead people and dead marriages.

This is the dumb-dumb line. This is where dumb-dumbs go.

Get f*cked!

Ain’t much scarier out there than a creepy clown.

Getting to know them getting to know all about them. Getting to like them.

Overwhelming is the confusion I feel when someone so intelligent-looking asks a stupid question.

Right now, y’alls brains are basically in London in 1857. They’re blocked up by other people’s dookie.

It makes sense to me. They probably have to train in a sewer because their coach is so sh*tty.

Remember, it’s just poopy. Let it flow.

Expectations for us are as low as a rattlesnake’s belly button.

I look like Ned Flanders is doing cosplay with Ned Flanders.

Can I say a bad word? I think you’re being stupid.

I’ve worked with this lot before, and this is as loose as they get.

He goes through teams like you go through manicurists.

Zava dabba doo.

It’s called empathy, you dusty old fart.

Beg to differ, Claudia Shiffer.

No one says a f*cking word to this prick unless they want my forehead through their f*cking skull.

Maybe you and I can see how good it feels to believe in someone else.

He made me feel special, Chosen.

Right now, we are being so offensive, we should be a Hallmark Christmas movie.

You can talk around this prick now.

It’s an honor for you to meet me.

I guess I am like any man—get bored with the same old, same old.

I’ve scored with every part of my body.

Ted Lasso Season 3 Quotes

Sport. It’s quite the metaphor.

Right. Your body’s a temple.

I’m a strong and capable man.

F*ck yeah, Princess Diaries.

Instead of signing his name, he signed “you’re welcome.”

Time is a construct, like gender and many of the alphabets.

My leader, I am an empty vessel filled with gold. I am your rock. Mold me.

He moves like a ninja.

My team. My brothers. Breathe with me.

We are now one. There is no we; there is no you; there is only we and us and the “wenus.”

You will have a family. You’re going to be a mother.

Nice to put a face to the hair.

I wasn’t being ironic; I was being hypocritical.

You frowned your whole career.
No, I never smiled. That’s different.

Now get dressed, or I will start licking your balls.

Ted, we can’t date. You’re a mess.

Keep it simple, smarty pants.

You must ignore these talking faces, even when they are in our favor.

I let all my children name themselves once they reached the age of seven.

Dream big, and you may never wake up.

Believe in believe.

You may not know who I am, but I think the most beautiful part of a woman is her flaws.

I just want to know if I can bang him, babe.

Is it one of those videos of a military parents coming home after a long tour? Cause if so, I’m going to be eating tears and snot for dinner.

I guess you can take the boy out of the journalist, but you can’t take the journalist out of the boy.

You look him in the eye, you shake his hand, and then you beat him.

I really want to win this one.

I’m w work in prog-mess.

You already won, ya know. You got that turkey out of your life.

It’s short for, “my father wanted a boy.”

Remember, have fun! Woohoo!

Ted Lasso Season 3 Quotes

A minute ago they were catatonic; now look at them. They are killers.

They played angry, dirty, and ugly. Which is also, by the way, the name of Zava’s three youngest kids.

It would be great if you yelled at us a little bit. Called us a piece of sh*t or something.

We gotta raise this little boy together. We are stuck with each other; we’re going to share grandkids.