Peacock’s Ted series released on the streaming service across the United States January 11, 2024. I will have a review of the series coming soon, so make sure to stop back by to check it out. It will be linked below. In the meantime, I wanted to share a list of some of the best quotes from the show. Check out these 110+ of the best, most crudest Peacock’s Ted quotes.
If you enjoyed these Peacock’s Ted quotes, check out these other articles: Netflix’s Lift movie quotes, Trolls Band Together movie quotes, Disney Plus’ Echo quotes.
Peacock’s Ted Series Parents Guide Review
Peacock’s Ted Quotes
Spielberg actually got real dinosaurs.
I promise you guys, he didn’t get real dinosaurs.
That’s a real ignorant thing to say, Blaire, when you haven’t seen the movie.
You turn it on, you settle in, you get your Kleenex and your lotion, and you f*cking go to town.
Sounds amazing.
Yeah, especially afterwards when you think about what you did.
Enjoy your pornography, sir.
Whatever seems grossest to you, that’s probably what we’re going to like.
French f*cking. A little hairy, but I’m on board.
Watching another person have sex on a TV screen—that’s just about the coolest thing a person can do.
It’s for a fundraiser.
For what?
Jerking for Muscular Dystrophy.
Oh, JMD, of course.
I don’t want to watch porno alone; it sounds tragic.
If we blow this, everyone’s gonna know we’re perverts.
All this work, and we don’t even get to have an orgasm.
I’m gonna roll around in bed and try to burp.
We’re in trouble, but we can still have fun with words.
Remember, nothing is wrong if you don’t enjoy it too much.
Where are we gonna go, Teddy?
I’m thinking Saudi Arabia. I hear nobody’s ashamed to masterbate there.
We watched six seconds of porn, and it ruined our lives.
Like every phenomenon, now nobody gives a sh*t.
You’re not wearing pants; where did you get this?
Don’t you worry about where I’m keeping stuff?
I’m not a racist; my favorite movie is Rocky.
That’s assuming you count Italians as whites, which I mostly do.
Plinko is the best Price is Right game.
It is, we live in such special times.
You’re going to school, and you’re gonna grow a f*cking brain.
How bad is school gonna suck?
You’re not going to like it.
How bad?
You ever drink orange juice after you brush your teeth? Well, it’s like getting your nuts smashed together so hard, they become just one nut.
We look like suicide bombers having second thoughts.
I think this guy has lost 40 hairs since this class has started.
You sure I’m the right guy? There’s a fat kid that loves to touch d*cks.
You’re not asking her out; you’re just asking for drugs.
We were so moved that we donated it to Jew causes.
I’m so coked up, I just want to punch everything.
I’m saving my mouth for marriage.
227 sucks balls, and so do you.
What are you protecting a tuna collection?
I love my f*cking wife, and she knows it.
That was in Sylvester Stallone’s mouth in 1976. See how it feels in yours.
I feel him in my mouth.
No more drugs.
Besides pot.
You were sucking that straw like it promised you a modeling contract.
It was out of my mouth before I knew what it was. Kind of like your mother.
Not all Jewish doctors are smart; that’s one of those stereotypes.
Sorry, Hebrews and Shebrews.
What would the Jerky Boys do?
I don’t have parents on account; I’m a teddy bear that came alive.
You don’t become a butt doctor unless you’re in some really weird sh*t.
The Hulk doesn’t have a f*cking picture of himself on his chest.
They should only have white people in those movies.
Oh yeah, that way, the black guys won’t get killed.
You know what everyone doesn’t talk about with drunk driving? How fun it is!
I’m washing my bear parts; get lost.
Be careful of the rasor blades, alright? They’re everywhere.
Take a long look, Johnny. This is what life is.
It’s my car; I should be the drunk driver.
That salad tasted like Dustin Hoffman’s balls.
As Hemmingways said, I wonder what this gun will taste like.
Have you ever seen an old man penis? It’s like a melted pint of ice cream. There’s a sadness to it. Almost like it’s trying to remember how it used to look.
I’ve been waiting all my life for someone like you. Your furry curves, your boundless whimsy.
I want us to have illicit congress together.
Like a mother hen crowing over her egg.
Susan, am I an a**h*le?
Of course not, Matty. You’re a veteran. Can you imagine, like, being a banana?
I’m not going to pay some shrink $80 bucks to sit there and show me inkblots that all look like priests with their d*cks out.
I think that’s already progress.
Sorry, I was doing this MadLib. Four scores and seven c*cks ago.
If there is any cure for being tired, it’s Simon and Garfunkle.
